R-E-S-P-E-C-T

This year middle schools in San Jose Unified are involved in implementing a system for supporting positive social behavior called PBIS (positive behavior interventions and supports). One of the first things each school needs to do is to establish a few very simple behavioral expectations. At Castillero these are: Be Respectful, Be Responsible, and Engage in Learning. Respect was an easy one for us to come up with and I believe that it has been selected as an expectation by every middle school. I've had a lot of opportunity to ponder the meaning of respect over the past few weeks and, the more I do that, the more I realize that this, by far, will be the most difficult for us to instill in our students. Respect has a variety of interpretations. Being a dedicated "wordie", I went to my trusted dictionary for initial guidance. Words like "esteem", "deference" and "courtesy" came up in association with respect. These fit with the notion of respect that I learned as a child. My parents expected me to display respect for them and for other adults and especially those who spent most of their waking hours trying to make the world a better and safer place for me and for others (teachers, nurses, clergy, police officers, park rangers, etc.). I was to demonstrate respect by listening to what these people had to say and following the directions that they gave me. As I got older my parents acknowledged that adults, even those who cared about me most, weren't perfect; sometimes they made mistakes. If I had a legitimate reason to question what they said, I needed to learn the time, place and appropriate way to do that. The bottom line, though, was that I was to listen and respond unless I was being asked to do something harmful to myself or someone else which I can't recall happening. There were times, especially as a teenager, when I wasn't respectful for whatever reason and I would find myself suffering unpleasant consequences. As it turns out, those adults had good reasons behind the rules and expectations that I was given to follow. This concept of respect may seem "old school" to some but I really have to wonder what will happen if we cease to expect it as adults or if we simply pay it lip service but our walk doesn't follow our talk. We really have to be careful about the message we send kids when we tell them that the rules apply to some but not others, when we question decisions made by other adults in a rude manner in front of them, and when we give them the option to "tune out" someone who cares about their future.